As many of you know, my daughter, Leslie, is developmentally delayed. A condition that will follow her the rest of her life unless, of course, God decides to heal her. Her reading is very limited, her vision is poor, she is susceptible to seizures, she needs help grooming, and she is unclear on some daily tasks as to their complete meaning.
For instance, I can tell her, “Lock the door, and do not open it for anyone while I run to the Post Office.” She will do what I say, but she might or might not understand why. Even though I have explained it to her numerous times.
This leads me to my origin for this blog. I am Facebook friends with Carol Kent. Her son is serving life in prison for fatally shooting his wife’s ex-husband. I mentioned him in a previous blog, but today I felt I wanted to muse a little regarding my and Carol’s common ground as mothers.
Her son will not have an opportunity to experience a “normal” life. That’s where I find my thoughts at inopportune times throughout my day when thinking about Leslie. I have read that Carol, as well, allows herself to meander down that road from time to time when focusing on her son.
For different reasons we as mothers (Carol and I) must face all the life-limitations that our children have been dealt. I know with her son it was a choice. In an attempt to protect his new step-daughter, he killed the man that continued to abuse her. Leslie’s confines were decided as no choice of her own. Yet, still, their situations are similar when viewed through a mother’s eyes. He in actual mortar and bars prison – my Leslie in the prison of her mind and body.
Every mother wants the best for her child. Better than she had or will ever have. So when she finds that her child will not have the best life can offer, and there is nothing she can do to change that, depression, hopelessness and defeat rush at her like a tidal wave.
Mornings dawn and shock renders her motionless. The realization, that she is still trapped inside the nightmare of her child’s life limitations, brings more waves crashing down. She wants to go back to sleep and try again and again. Hoping beyond hope that she will eventually wake up and the storm will be over.
She prays and knocks at the gates of Heaven. She begs God to give her child a chance. She attempts to strike a deal. “I will never sin again, if you will just heal my child.” She pleads. “What did I do to cause my child to suffer in this way? Is there any chance to remedy my wrongful ways?”
I know many of you immediately think to respond with encouraging words. “It was nothing you did. God loves your child and has a plan for her life.” And, please know those words are appreciated, but still do not completely dispel the torturous thoughts of the mother.
She hears the words, “God must think your child is very special. She’s so innocent and sweet. You are truly blessed.” Yet, would any one of them trade places? Would they really want to worry about their child’s future - the one without them? In old age, absent the ones she depends on for her day to day livelihood? Left to strangers who may or may not take care of her. Knowing she must completely depend on these people she may or may not have chosen. No possibility of a joyous wedding day. No children.
So… What’s a girl to do?
Whew! (I said that for you)
She crawls up into the lap of Jesus and cries her eyes out. Then she wipes her eyes and blows her nose, and hugs him real tight. He tells her it will be okay, and hugs her back. He tells her to look at the beautiful flowers and listen to the melodious song of the birds. He tells her of all the ways He has protected and provided for her and her child.
Beautiful stories flow from the mouth of her Savior that encourage her and strengthen her. She finds that she is not of this world, but of a kingdom. A kingdom where angels sing, the streets are the purest gold, her purpose is clear and her daughter is whole. She sees her precious child running through a meadow, happy and free - reading and achieving, thinking and understanding – making friends and soaring with the eagles. Angels are revealed as protectors, warriors and teachers.
She wonders if her daughter has a very special gift after all? To possibly aid in the healing of others even if her own healing goes undone? But how?
Then she is told that her little Leslie is a very important princess of the Most High God!
Thus, the story of Katie Milady…
Please check back next time for an excerpt from The
. Secret Kingdom
Love and Blessings, Laura K.